It’s 10:02pm and I’ve got Marigold wafting into my ears. dueling with my thoughts.

I’m reflecting on things my Grandfather used to say to me. Little nuggets of wisdom that he would drop in casual conversation that stuck with me and bring him back to me every time I think them. I so desperately wish he hadn’t died so long ago…I’d love to talk to him now and ask his advice. I never got to know him as an adult and I would love to see how his wisdom worked regarding matters of the heart.

…

It’s now 11:08pm and I’ve sat here with this cursor blinking for a while now. I’m beginning to think that I’m not normal and don’t think like other men think…or at least how women expect me to think. I try to act on a woman’s behalf and be someone who can be trusted and counted on to do the right thing…isn’t that how men should act and women expect them to act? What if the right thing isn’t the best thing? What if the wrong thing to do is what both people want to do? Why do I have to act like white hat?

God Damn I want a cigarrette right now something fierce.

I can still taste her.

MiH

• Foo Fighters/Nirvana – Marigold
• Earth, Wind and Fire – September
• Jamie Cullum – 7 Days to change your life
• Ben Folds – Golden Slumbers
• Gavin DeGraw – Maybe
• Norah Jones – Nightengale
• Radiohead – High and Dry
• Pearl Jam – I believe in miracles