and I’m dreading the thought of what that machine will do to me today.   It will be good to get back into it and I’ve felt guilty for taking these few days off.  I also had some spicy french fries last night, too many so I’ll need to amp it up a notch today.  I’ve got some new music on my MP3 player so the variety may help during my workout.  Going into that last 5 minutes with the right mindset is crucial for me…I don’t want to stop today.  Hopefully it will burn all the issues away.

So, now that I’m no longer an optimist I’ve been having some fun spreading negativity around.  It hit me when I walked outside for lunch and saw a smoker coughing while trying to light his cigarette and I said “have another!”  Yeah, I just quit smoking but I know it’s not nice, but that’s the point.  I can feel horns growing already and I LOVE IT.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and run into some fat people on the way home…they’re great targets.

Ok…that’s all a lie.  I guess it’s a product of my personal frustrations.   I’ve never been the greatest at internally dealing with frustration although I’m usually pretty cool on the outside.  There is this separation that I can effect and disconnect from personal matters for diplomatic/public purposes.  I think that’s the product of growing up in an alcoholic family, so I guess it’s not fair to say my Dad didn’t do anything for me…hehe.  Ok, maybe not that funny.  I have learned some things from my issues but they’re lessons that only point me back into ‘robot-mode’ and I don’t want to go back.

I’m just going to play it cool.  It’s not logical to get mussed up over something I have no control over, right?

• Michael Buble – The More I See You
• Barenakedladies – When I fall
• The Rolling Stones – Sympathy for the Devil